Inspiration

Its hard when people don't understand. Its hard when people don't know how you feel about what you love, who you love. And its especially hard if the people who don't understand is the people around you. My inspiration. My motivation. My heroes. The people I looked up to and watched them grow to their fame. One direction. Yes I understand when they call me mainstream. Its because they're too famous. But they dont know that I've looked up to them even before their first single came out. Before they even are famous. When they were also once an underground artist. But thats okay. I dont want anything from them. I dont need them to give me their autograph. I dont need to have a picture with them. What I need is, just a moment to see them, and thank them. For everything. For three years I've waited and I will wait for as long as I can. Just so I can thank you. But today, I came to a realisation that its not possible. Because if, one day, when I finally meet you guys, I'll just be another fan. I'll just appear as one of the screaming girls you see on a daily basis. It's sad, but thats the truth. The thought of getting to see you, and actually communicating with you, to say thank you to you for what you've done for me, will just remain forever as a dream. But I still hope. There is a part in me that believes that maybe, just maybe one day I can actually see you like that. Like how I imagined it to be. But that part is very, very small. Because for a girl like me, it is almost, almost impossible. Three years have passed and more years will come. I'll still be waiting. To meet my inspiration, my motivation, the people who changed my life and the people who made me look at things differently. Thank you, Niall James Horan, Liam James Payne, Harry Edward Styles, Louis William Tomlinson & Zayn Jawaad Malik. For everything
-A.

Flaws

Just a random thing. I dont know what this feeling is but it just popped up in my mind.
I may not have the eyes that someone may fall for when they look in it.
The laughter so beautiful someone can fall for by listening to it.
The smile that can stay in a person's mine when I show it.
The hair that overwhelmed people when I flip it.
Hell i don't have anything.
What I have is
A wonderful set of crooked teeth
A very unattractive pair of eyes
A not so nice body
Hell my laugh is like horrible
I'm not saying all this cause I'm all insecure and in reality all these things about me are beautiful. But its because its true. I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful. I know everyone is beaitiful in their own way but I just cant seem to believe that i am beautiful. Or I just cant see the word me and beautiful going together. Its just so... wrong.
I dont know but its so irritating to live with that thought in me everyday. I can see my flaws and I am sure people see through my flaws like clear glass. I want to believe that its okay to look like what I am now, that its okay to be what I am now. But its so hard because society. Enough said.

Helpless

Even though its hard
Even when you're suffering
No matter how much it hurts
I can't do anything to help or even change the situation just a bit
I'm sorry.
To both of you I'm sorry.
The two of you shouldn't be working at your age
You should already be resting at home fot the rest of your life
While I am the one who is supposed to work for you guys
I'm sorry I can't make your life easier.
I want to do something but I cant.
No matter what I do I'm hopeless
I cant do much to help you. Both of you.
Ayah, even though you left
Even though you were not always there
I still love you
I miss you
And now I hear you're going through all this
And I cant be there with you
You're all alone
In pain
In agony
All the pain you're going through for me
And its not only you
Ibu too
Even though you don't show it
I know you're having a hard time
I know
Both of you are going through all this for me
I promise
I promise one day you won't have to do this anymore
You won't have to worry about me anymore
I promise you will get your rest
And I will repay you back for everything you'e done
Just wait ok? We'll get there.